An atheist was asked a question in Bihar: “Do you believe in the power of mantras?” He said no. The questioner continued: “In that case, why were mantras chanted at your marriage?” The atheist countered: “Who told you that mantras were chanted during my marriage?” The questioner was surprised and said, “Were they not?” The atheist said no, not at all. This question proved that the person who queried had absolutely no knowledge of the world and believed that no marriage could be performed without the chanting of mantras! Since the atheist had a Hindu-sounding name, or even if he were to belong to some other religion, the questioner assumed that rituals pertaining to that religion would be conducted and all of them would involve some incantation to a deity!

That shook the atheist’s memory and took him back to the days thirty years ago when he tried to get married. Being too busy earning a living and paying back the loans taken to educate himself, he had had no time for any romance or even for mixing with the opposite gender. He had a routine starting from 7:00 AM and ending at 9:00 PM. When he indicated that he would get married only to someone who would be ready for a marriage without any religious ceremony, matching of horoscopes, or any other superstitious practice, his friends, relatives, and colleagues laughed at him. They told him that he would remain a bachelor for life! So, he inserted an ad in the newspaper which had the largest circulation—though it had no editorial! The ad ran as follows: “A rationalist by conviction born in a family of XYZ community, aged 28 years, postgraduate drawing a four-figure salary desires a matrimonial relationship with a like-minded partner with a simple marriage with no religious ceremony or superstitious rituals of any sort.” He had given a post box number and made no mention of the institution where he was employed or other details so that it could not be traced back to him! But a good number of his friends called him and told him that they had noticed his ad! When queried, they said, “Who else could that be but you?” One of his friends told him: “Have it repeated each year so that you can save money on typesetting.” The only change would be to add a year to the age, he said! He also joked that he might have to run it for half a century or so until he found a suitable bride!

There were a good number of replies, none of which could be said to be suitable for him. In fact, there were a good number of gold-diggers who had read between the lines and had decided that “superstition-free” meant free of dowry and other expenses connected with the marriage. There were some who said that there must be something wrong with the man that made him offer to get married without any dowry! Many of his friends, who knew that he was a very eligible match, tried to persuade him to relax his terms and conditions so that they could get him married off to someone of their choice. They told him that they too knew all these things were nonsense, but suggested he just put up with them for a day and live a normal atheistic life thereafter. But the atheist was adamant—he said, “No, I want to live life on my own terms without any compromises whatsoever.” In fact, the atheist was quite proud of his life in that he had not taken an active part in any religious ritual. None of the usual ceremonies had been performed on him, and by the time he was to be initiated into Brahminism through a thread ceremony, he had become an atheist and refused it.

So, his quest went on until one day when a proposal was brought to him by his friend, who was a pathologist. He told him that there was a proposal regarding a girl with a postgraduate degree in psychiatric social work—a very intelligent and good-looking girl who could be a good match for him. The atheist replied that he would take his decision after meeting the girl, and that would be subject to the condition that she and/or her parents would be agreeable to the conditions that he had laid down about superstitious rituals, etc. It turned out that they were agreeable, and hence a meeting between them was arranged. To cut a long story short, they decided to get married after discussing various issues. It turned out that they had a lot in common and hence could get along with each other.

So, they submitted an application under the Special Marriage Act at the registrar’s office and decided to have the marriage exactly 30 days after the date of submission. The registrar of marriages was brought to the residence of the bride at Rahukalam. Soon after his arrival, he wrote in his register: “Registration of marriage under the Hindu Marriage Act.” The atheist objected and said, “Sorry, no—registration of marriage under the Special Marriage Act.” The registrar replied, “What is your problem? Both of you are Hindus.” The atheist replied, “No, I am not.” Then came the registration procedure. The registrar said, “Hold up your right hand and say: ‘I accept so-and-so as my legally wedded wife.’” The bridegroom said no. The registrar was surprised and queried, “What’s the matter?” The bridegroom said, “I am an atheist and am not going to swear by God.” The registrar said, “OK, just hold up your right hand and say that you accept so-and-so as your wife; no need for God.” So, that was the whole of the marriage, with no ceremony, no garland, no mantras, and no tali or any religious symbolism. The same evening, they had a small reception for their close friends, relatives, and colleagues, and there ended the matter of conducting a marriage without any rituals, ceremonies, or superstitions!

Why should one be free from these things? One can see that the so-called hor(ror)oscopes are an excuse for the business transactions called marriages that go on in the community. These also involve huge waste in terms of money and other resources. The economically backward sections have to raise loans to perform the obligations that go in the name of marriage rituals. It is always the priestly class that benefits in the name of such things. What should be a social sacrament has become a commercial enterprise. The atheist wanted to express his protest against these things and hence decided that he could show it could be done. He also wanted to demonstrate that marriages do not need any religious sanction and wanted others to learn from that. One of the funniest incidents occurred on the very next day of the marriage when the newly wedded couple were at the natal home of the bride. The family priest turned up, ostensibly to “see” the new bridegroom, but actually to collect the fee denied to him because of the non-religious marriage! He called the bridegroom to one side and asked him in a low voice, “My dear man, do you know any good match for my daughter? Even if it is someone like you, it is all right!”

To what extent he succeeded remains to be seen. But his two brothers followed in his footsteps with simple, non-religious marriages. Many years later, when the organisation he headed was celebrating its silver jubilee, he lectured on how the leaders of the movement should lead a life free of any superstitious practices. In a few days, there was an attack on him stating that he was a hypocrite, preaching to others while himself following the very same superstitious practices he was asking others to give up. It was specifically mentioned that his marriage to ABC surely must have been with all religious rituals! “What right has such a person to ask others to give up the things which the so-called atheist himself followed?”—was the most important question raised. The atheist replied by publishing a copy of his marriage certificate, which shut the mouths of the critics, and there was no such attack afterwards. This emphasizes the importance of leaders of the movement doing what they ask others to follow.

The couple has helped quite a lot of younger people to get married against the wishes of their parents/relatives, and sometimes society as a whole. But they are still waiting for the social revolution to come, by which young people desirous of pair-bonding take their own decisions and treat the whole matter as a social celebration, not as a religious matter with superstitious practices and rituals. For those who have not been able to guess who the atheist mentioned here is, the photograph shows yours truly thirty years ago signing the register in the presence of the Registrar of Marriages of Mangalore City.